29 posts from 2007

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I was attempting to take a pre-evening-out nap, but I was restless, and I realized that's because I hadn't been here much. (How senseless is that?) So, here I am, once again assuring you all that I am indeed still alive.

What's funny about journaling is how negative everything is. I mean, the reason I'm not here much is because life is great right now, and when life is great, who sits down in front of their computer to "write it out of their system?" Good times keep me out of the house and in the company of friends, which is pretty much what I've been up to. Despite some uncertain and unsettling experiences from the past week or so, this is the happiest I've been in a very long time.

I know it doesn't mean much when I say "this is the happiest I've been in a very long time," if I don't explain why, exactly, I'm so happy, but honestly, I don't have the energy. I'm exhausted, and I desperately want to take a nap before I go line-dancing with my friends tonight. (Like in Gone With the Wind when all of the ladies nap after lunch so they're fresh for the evenings festivities.) I will say that, no, it has nothing to do with boys...or rather, I'm not happy because I'm seeing some mystery boy or something. In fact, I'm happy because I'm not really dating anyone and instead I'm focusing on developing my (brace yourself for the sickeningly-sweet cliché) relationship with God. This is the most "full" I've felt in any relationship, and certainly the best I've felt spiritually. As if that's not enough, my relationships with my girlfriends are flourishing and that's just the best. I'm looking at moving in with one of my girlfriends, and that's super exciting! Oh, and I got an AMAZING job for a pretty major television outlet, but I'm hesitant to discuss the details until the ink dries. Or rather, until we end our negotiations on Monday. More on that soon enough.

So. I'm really tired and I have to be ready in an hour. Half-hour nap, here I come!

This past weekend, despite my still being sick, was the best that I've had in a very long time. Also, and this seems to be a recurring theme, it was one of the least productive weekends I've had in a very long time.

On Friday night I went out to sushi with some of my work-mates, and following that we met another group of friends downtown for drinks and general debauchery. A very dear friend of mine hasn't yet turned 21, but the nice part about going for drinks at a restaurant is that under-21s can still attend, they just can't drink. If she weren't there, the night wouldn't have been nearly as fun. In fact, it would have been unbearable. Now, I know I said that this weekend was the best that I've had recently, so the statement that my Friday night would have been unbearable without the company of my girlfriend might be a little confusing. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that this past weekend was the best I've had recently because of the company of my girlfriend. A lot of things happened that would have made me disappointed or sad, but having her around made it all so much better. This is a really new concept for me.

I, like many women, don't have many girlfriends, I think I have two, with an occasional third. Anyway, that's bothered me for a very long time. Women are women's best resource of comfort and understanding, simply because we're all going through the same things. Sure, the details are different for each of us, but the fundamental problems that we're dealing with are strikingly similar. The majority of us are dealing with the same issues when we take the time to get to the heart of the matter. Unfortunately, negative-competition and insecurity wraps each girl/woman into her own little cocoon, the result being an entire population of women that are totally disconnected from each other. When I think of all of the wisdom and life-experience that I'm missing out on my not having a close network of women-friends, it makes me really sad. So, I'm really glad that I'm beginning to develop those kinds of relationships in my life, and I'm really grateful to know some really cool chicks to hang out with!

Saturday was a blast because one of my best-friends was in town for the weekend. I hadn't seen him in ages but hanging out was just like old times. We spent Saturday afternoon walking around downtown, did some window-shopping, and later in the afternoon we were joined by another old friend of mine. It was so nice, hanging out with the two of them again. Later in the evening we met my two girlfriends for dinner, along with another recently-made guy friend of mine- six of us all together. We ate at this cute little italian place called Mama's Meatball, I just love the food there. Simple and well done, which seems to be a difficult achievement for most small-restaurants.

After dinner we all came back to my place and tried unsuccessfully to play a six-person round of the game Life. We have the attention-spans of seven year olds, I swear. Everyone was marrying everyone, salaries were being debated, and in the end, no one won. (Heh. Kinda sounds like real-life sometimes.) As the evening wore on, one of my girlfriends departed, as well as one of my guy-friends, leaving myself, my girlfriend and my two guy-friends that I spent Saturday afternoon with. It was a giant sleep over, and it was a lot of fun.

Sunday morning was spent with my girlfriend, which was lovely, and then we both headed into work. After work I caught the movie Eastern Promises with above-mentioned new-guy-friend (NGF?). That movie is not for the faint of heart. It was really well done, and I enjoyed it, but yeah...really gross sometimes.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. I left out the disappointed/sad bits, and also the dramatic bits, because really, does that stuff have a place on a public forum? I think it's enough to say, once again, that I'm grateful to have a great girlfriend to share in those experiences with me and offer her take on things, as well as her support. You're fab!

So, here we are on Monday. Still sick. I'm seriously considering ignoring how wretched I feel and just chugging along as if nothing is the matter. I mean, I have to get better sometime, right?

Here's to hoping that you all had lovely weekends full of good friends! :)

So I was sick all last week with I don't know what, and I did a decent job at resting and taking care of myself and all of that. Then I felt almost-better for two or three days, so I decided to jump back into my normal routine because I had already spent ten days being totally ineffective. Well, looks like I jumped back in too soon, because I feel just like I felt when I first got sick last Monday: body-achy, sore throat and generally exhausted. At this point the whole feeling-like-ish thing isn't really an issue- I'm a trooper, I can handle a little discomfort- but the whole spending-time-"resting" thing drives me absolutely bananas. The whole point of resting is that you're not supposed to do anything, and wouldn't that drive anyone mad? Don't be surprised if I overdose and the autopsy reveals copious amounts of vitamin c in my bloodstream. I think I need a hug.

Oh, and this morning I went to flush a spider down the toilet, and as soon as I depressed the little lever, blue-colored water began streaming out of the toilet and all over my bathroom floor, coming dangerously close to the carpet. If it weren't for my cat-like reflexes the carpet under the threshold of my bathroom would be dunzo. I left a message for my apartment manager, so hopefully I'll have a fully-functional ladies' room by the close of tomorrow. My question to you is this: where do I relieve myself in the meantime? Bear in mind that I have never really met any of my neighbors. Good thing I have to work first thing in the morning because we have a fantastic ladies' room there!

To end things on a happier note, that book that I'm reading is just perfect. It's really everything I've needed to hear for a long time, and I've decided that as soon as I'm finished with it, I'm going to put together a women's book group to discuss it. That is, as soon as I'm well enough to be in the company of friends without fear of infecting everyone. *sigh* I feel like a leper, and don't nobody want to give a leper a hug. So much for ending things "on a happier note."

Hope all of you are just fabulous (and without wee-beasties making you sick)!

Okay, so in my defense I've tried posting three times and each time I clicked "save," the page refreshed and everything I had written was lost. This time I'm typing this into Text Edit and copy/pasting it over here. Pffft.

The past few weeks have been super. Well, not including the crappy things that have happened, the past few weeks have been super. I've been really active, which is great, but my hyperactivity lead to my falling super-ill. I'm guessing I got sick because I wasn't sleeping much, and, like, every social gathering involved wine or martinis. Alcohol + no sleep = The Black Death.

Anyhoo, I feel almost 100% again, which is exciting enough for me to be happy. Aside from my health being in good form, my student group for the Obama campaign is taking shape nicely, which makes me very happy. On top of that, I'm doing well in my classes, which is always cause for celebration.

The best part, though, of the past few weeks is the fact that I'm slowly (and for the first time of my life) creating a close network of girlfriends. I can't properly explain to you how great it feels to have girlfriends that you can talk to about whatever is going on in your life. The feedback is great, and simply knowing that you're not alone in your conundrums is totally comforting.

I started a new book a few days ago, it's called Captivating and it's by John and Stasi Eldredge. In a nutshell it's about the fundamental desires that women have in their romantic relationships, and why women of all ages are partial to certain kinds of stories/behaviors. Captivating is the women's version of the men's book Wild at Heart, written by the same authors. After I finish Captivating I plan on reading Wild at Heart, because, heck, a little insight into the minds of men couldn't hurt.

I've done a lot of thinking lately about what romantic relationships mean to me, and what it is that I would define as my "ideal." What's startling is that the ideal image that I came up with is pretty different than what I assumed I wanted for the better part of my young-adult life. On the other side of all of that romantic-soul-searching I've come to realize that I'm more of a catch than I give myself credit for, and that I don't tend to hold my romantic-prospects to the same standards as myself. Scary thought! Needless to say, I intend on staying single for awhile. As long as it takes, really, for me to have a more clear understanding of what it is, exactly, that I'm looking for. I can't believe that a little over a year ago I was looking forward to being engaged.

On a deeper note, this past year has been such a time of growth and change for me. I feel as if I have a little better understanding of who I am and what I stand for (no doubt that too will change). Seriously, I feel like this past year has been a sort of emotional-adolescence that I'm only just coming out of. I like now-me much better than the me from a year ago, and that's always a good sign, right? Here's hoping that I'm still on the up-and-up...

Melissa

Hey guys, here's a video that I collaborated on with some of my debate peers as well as some newly made friends. We've partnered with an organization called Community Counts to propose an alternative option for the Republicans who've backed out of the CNN YouTube debate in September. I was surprised when I first watched the video to find that I'm the lucky gal that got to open and close the video, crazy! Below you'll find links to everyone's channel who participated.

My Island

I know that I complained a lot while I was there, but I really miss Samoa.

What's funny is that Mike (my boss on the island) and his wife Brenda would shake-me-to-death for saying something like that (our situation wasn't really all it was cracked up to be), but despite the situation we were in, there are parts of it that I hold very dear to me. That might have been the only time in my life where I felt both safe and at ease. I had very little responsibility, but I always knew that I was going to eat, and I always had Mike to come home to. Really, (and I don't know if I've ever actually told him this) Mike is the closest thing that I've ever had to a father. Or rather, the image that we have of what a father should be. I miss him more than I should.

Back to the island. There are so many memories that I fear I'll never come close to revisiting. So many images and sounds and smells that I want to experience right now, but I can't. Looking through the images has only made me more nostalgic, so I wonder if I should be doting on this at all? It's human nature (or maybe just my nature) to torture myself with these things, especially when everything seems to be going my way.

I miss pulling weeds in the bunkers with Nusi, and him sharing his home-made juice with me. His wife made it for him every morning and he would tell me, every time I drank it, that it was going to add two more years to my life. By his count I should live until I'm two hundred years old! I miss going to the market with Ron and our friends, and them laughing at me because I had never seen so many things made out of coconut shells before. I miss the beach parties that Mike would throw at Sa'anapu- we would invite everyone that worked for us to come along, and we'd barbecue and go swimming. I miss the swimming. I miss exploring Sa'anapu and wondering if what they had said was true, was I really the first white-person to see this beach in hundreds of years? I miss going to church with Ron's family and making faces at the little kids in the pews until they giggled and got scolded. (I'm a trouble maker.) I miss being on the social rowing team with all of those Samoan girls that could snap me in two if they felt the desire. Most of all I miss the clear warm quiet in the evening, in between breezes. I've never felt so free in my life. Horizon forever, no waves, just you. A welcomed, comfortable sort of alone, not the alone that I feel here at home. An alone that is just content being. The whole word didn't exist.

I wonder if the reason for my recent bout of nostalgia is because my life right now is the opposite of alone, the opposite of quiet serenity? Part of me wants to chase this YouTube thing as far as it's willing to run and the other part of me wants to run away to a place that's almost ethereal, but real. I should have never experienced such pristine serenity at my age. Everything else is going to be a let down. ;)